Oh Man, I hear the motor reving again!
Oh Man, I hear the motor reving again!
Formerly known as 'the twins' until their markings came in. Then, tentatively named after Dr. Seuss characters for reference purposes only, as we intended them to find homes and be re-named when they did. They are sweet, small, and quiet compared to their siblings.
So, this weekend I'm reading the paper. The words low cost spay / neuter clinic catch my eye, for a variety of obvious reasons.
I call. "You have two options" I'm told.
OPTION 1: $35 / boy and $40/ girl. We have 3 boys and 2 girls. I didn't do the math. It scared me a little.
OPTION 2: The "Spay the Mom" program. "It's free" she said. Um...tell me more
Apparantly, a good nascar driving samaritan with a love for all things feline made a grant to the humane society. If a cat has kittens that are unwanted or 'too much for one family to handle' they can bring in everyone. They spay, neuter, de-worm, give shots and a bunch of other things I didn't understand - FOR F.R.E.E!
That 's the upside. The down? Mom comes home with you. Kittens stay. O.K - I can deal...maybe
But we really wanted to keep Butterscotch. Both because he has bonded with us in cuddly ways and because he pulls my 10-year-old heartstring memories - we reallllllly - wanted to keep him.
So, I asked with my father's lifetime mantras playing through my head (no question is a stupid question - the worse they can do is say no) And, they said - ok!
Bottom line - for that is what it always boils down to, right - On Tuesday morning I will walk into the humane society with five cats and leave with two.
The kids don't know yet. *sigh* How do you explain such monetary based decisions to littles who make all their choices with emotion?
I guess I know why they couldn't be peanut butter and fluff. You can't really have one without the other...
This two story abode-on-wheels allows for the best grazing. It is fully equip with an easy-access food dispenser,
A peek-a-boo window for roosing and egg collection,
And, flying to the upper level is optional with this well-constructed staircase
The 'king' likes it!
And, since their move we have seen our first two eggs - count them, 2 eggs!! It seems they like their new home. But why, you may ask, did they have to leave the comfort of their existing home with ample space, roosting options, and a recent screened in porch?
Because...we needed space for twenty new babes!
Awww...so cute - for now! Be sure to see what everyone else is showing and telling.
The bigger-than-I-ever-imagined-it-to-be reality of the day still brings me to tears.
A series of perfect moments to be sure.
Thank you Emma Grace for making this all possible. For teaching your earthly mother that there is more to tragedy than pain and sorrow. That beauty comes from emotional growth.
I’m dancing sweet girl – just for you.
Even my body is crashing, a not-so-slow deescallation of all the muscles that cranked themselves tighter and tighter all week long. It's acually painful. I didn't expect that.
See, this tightrope I walked for the last week, trying not to mis-step or the food might not all be there or the port-a-potty was missing, or would the generator power the mic without over powering it...has affected every part of my life. And, of course it would.
But the part I really didn't expect was the 'after'. I couldn't sleep last night. Well, I crashed...then at 1am awoke out of a sound sleep and couldn't go back. The thoughts of who I forgot to thank and recognize, the 'what we will do differently next year's, and the haunting image of a woman I never saw but was told - arrived late and left early - did we upset her more than comfort?
Be assured there will be more posts about the highlights of our day. Pictures and videos will come, when I get them. It was a very affirming and successful day and I do feel that the all-encompassion life-debris was all worth it. I just need to acknowledge it. And, so there is a chance I might be able to get some sleep tonight...
Thank you to ALL the volunteers that gave their time and energy, manning tables, babysitting the kids tent, blowing up balloons, taking picutres, capturing video, and breaking down.
Thank you to my amazing, astoundingly gorgeous husband and his 'always there' loyal cousin who single (or double) handedly erected and broke down five tents, six tables, built a performance platform, set up and manned the sound system, and said all those cute, but totally over my head things over the walkie talkies. This event would not have happened without you.
Thank you to every single brave person who came, cried, smiled, laughed, hugged, and shared their story. Your children are well loved and well remembered.
Thank you the beautiful gang of children we had, who even in the midst of tears frolliced in the green grass amidst a sea of yellow dandelions. You were such a welcome sight. We live for you.
And, Thank you to all our angel babies for filling us - eventually - with equal measures of longing and inspiration. Because of your short lives we change the world.
*Phew* - That feels better. Time to do laundry, and dishes, and play with my kids, and kiss my husband, and go food shopping and...
But...I cried four times. Uh huh - just four. Yes Michelle - I believe this makes you the winner.
I will post more indepth about my range of emotions, but for tonight - I'm spent... Good Night
And It All Came Crashing Down...
I would be lying if I said the words never penetrated. They did, occasionally, and yet I felt no motivation to defend our love, our baby to those who judged.
And then - she died. And then - I died. And, I thought there was a real possiblity that the couple who just knew they were mean to be together might die a slow death too.
Today is our anniversary. Nine years ago today we vowed to love each other 'for better or worse'. Worse made a good show. We shared a long smiling glance at the priest's words, 'accept children that God chooses to bless you with', knowing we already had. May 6, 2000 was the happiest day of my life filled with laughter, love, smiles, and a performance on the dance floor I can say with assurance will never be repeated.
We made it. It wasn't easy. I love him more than I ever have, in a deeper, soul-comprehending, connected-by-loss kind of way that (pray God) most couples never have to work for.
And it is work. And it always will be. And it is worth it because the driveway may be longer, the Car harts might be trendier, and the chainsaw might be newer - but when the sun hits him just right at the end of a long day I still see that man. And my heart nearly stops. And I know he is still my future.
Oh Yeah! I stripped that baby good - even removing the seats that usually hold my sweet girls.
I'm taking a drive this morning to meet Jeff and Michelle, the founders of The Simon Project, and father to Simon who lived in their lives for three short months before SIDS took his life. These special people have opened their hearts and lives to me and we have never offically met. Their foundation is sponsoring Share Southern Vermont's Walk for Hope and Rememberance with a generous monetary donation - And... tents, table, lidded garbage containers, coolers and MORE!
See why I needed a little empty space??
So - a big bloggy and very public THANK YOU to Jeff and Michelle as they give up their Sunday to meet and deliver these things. And, thank you for forcing me to create some clean space in my life.
I kinda like a clean car. Maybe I'll try and keep it that way! What are you show and telling?
(Oh - and did you see that the 5th issue of Exhale came out this weekend?? New format, new timelines, new columnists - Check.It.Out!)
(And...a preemtive apology to all those people that I want to comment on this week and just find myself spinning too fast with walk prep to do it. Sorry - I'll be back. You know that!)
Want yours, too?
Just click through.