Tuesday, January 26 is a special day for us. Our Comedian, our last rainbow, turns five. Please click over for a birthday post if you like. She is featured in a photo...
Tuesday, January 26 is also a special, albeit difficult, day for other families. Two of our angel wall families are remembering their babies tomorrow. The function of the Angel Wall has been expanded slightly. Please click over to read about it and remember.
Sending love to all of you... Cara
Monday, January 25, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Emma
This post is easy - and yet, it's hard.
I find I don't have much to say lately, here. I have pictures galore and stories to match at The Bear and the Comedian, my other blog. I am finding such joy in my growing children, trying to document it all so I can look back someday and know I really lived it.
This space remains vacant, blank. The stark contrast made me stop and think.
After much reflection I seemed to find an answer. BHB was created with a purpose. It is an 'Emma driven' blog, a window where I journal about her presence in our lives. My lack of stories doesn't mean that she isn't here, showing herself in small ways, comforting our hearts in time of struggle, and appearing on the lips of her sister's daily.
What came to me was that I had unintentionally futher defined this space as a place to write about the emotionally challenging times that Emma's presence and past bring to me. The tears, the strife, the worldly conflicts, the righteous indignignation, the anger, the frustration, the love that tears you in two because you can't fullfil it with touch.
Yes, this was the vapory place. The space for all the emotions that only you would understand.
So, what's happened?
Joy, in larger doses than I've ever imagined. The thought of Emma's presence brings my heart joy, swelling it momentarily. Tears still sting my eyes but they are simultaneously accompanied by a wide smile.
I often speak to the SSV support group about 'integrating' their loss. Acceptance is a fallicy, but allowing your child's spirit to live on in your family by integrating them in the way their story allows is a healthy grieving process. As I recently wrote in a grant to create countless more memory boxes for families, "Healthy grief leads to integrated grief, empowering grieving parents to give back, to reach out to the newest families struck down by the tragedy of loss".
Apparently, with the exception of minor annual 'blips' and my downtime during the season of her birthday, I have done that.
This is why I haven't seen fit to write here lately. Not because I don't have things to say, but they are all upbeat, loving, signs of her integration, and - yes, joyful.
Recognizing how I defined this space has allowed me to expand that definition. I want to share these heart-lifting times with you too. I'm just not sure you want to hear them, yet, depending on where you are in your process.
I suppose that is your choice, to read - or not to read. Just know that it is possible you will find uplifting tales of the '9 years after' variety, and if you do choose to read through may they bring you hope that the dark early days do dissipate, that you will choose to re-enter the world, and that the attacks of grief which blindsight you so often in the early years receed, slowly, with time.
Someday, his name - her name - their names, will cause you to tear up and smile simultaneously.
I find I don't have much to say lately, here. I have pictures galore and stories to match at The Bear and the Comedian, my other blog. I am finding such joy in my growing children, trying to document it all so I can look back someday and know I really lived it.
This space remains vacant, blank. The stark contrast made me stop and think.
After much reflection I seemed to find an answer. BHB was created with a purpose. It is an 'Emma driven' blog, a window where I journal about her presence in our lives. My lack of stories doesn't mean that she isn't here, showing herself in small ways, comforting our hearts in time of struggle, and appearing on the lips of her sister's daily.
What came to me was that I had unintentionally futher defined this space as a place to write about the emotionally challenging times that Emma's presence and past bring to me. The tears, the strife, the worldly conflicts, the righteous indignignation, the anger, the frustration, the love that tears you in two because you can't fullfil it with touch.
Yes, this was the vapory place. The space for all the emotions that only you would understand.
So, what's happened?
Joy, in larger doses than I've ever imagined. The thought of Emma's presence brings my heart joy, swelling it momentarily. Tears still sting my eyes but they are simultaneously accompanied by a wide smile.
I often speak to the SSV support group about 'integrating' their loss. Acceptance is a fallicy, but allowing your child's spirit to live on in your family by integrating them in the way their story allows is a healthy grieving process. As I recently wrote in a grant to create countless more memory boxes for families, "Healthy grief leads to integrated grief, empowering grieving parents to give back, to reach out to the newest families struck down by the tragedy of loss".
Apparently, with the exception of minor annual 'blips' and my downtime during the season of her birthday, I have done that.
This is why I haven't seen fit to write here lately. Not because I don't have things to say, but they are all upbeat, loving, signs of her integration, and - yes, joyful.
Recognizing how I defined this space has allowed me to expand that definition. I want to share these heart-lifting times with you too. I'm just not sure you want to hear them, yet, depending on where you are in your process.
I suppose that is your choice, to read - or not to read. Just know that it is possible you will find uplifting tales of the '9 years after' variety, and if you do choose to read through may they bring you hope that the dark early days do dissipate, that you will choose to re-enter the world, and that the attacks of grief which blindsight you so often in the early years receed, slowly, with time.
Someday, his name - her name - their names, will cause you to tear up and smile simultaneously.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Share Newsletter and Submission Opportunity
I try to keep what's Emma's Emma's and what's Share's Share's, but in this case they are one in the same.
I recently put up a post at SSV's blog about the newsletter that comes out every two months.
I'm re-post it here, primarly for the submission opportunity. I know many of you write about the grief of your losses. Here is an outlet for submission that is SURE to get distributed to others who may share your experience.
Let me know if you do. I'll look for it in coming issues! - Cara
If you are a bereaved parent you may already be sent the Sharing newletter put out by the National Share office.If not, we will link to it here every two months for you to access. Each issue has a topic.
The January/February 2010 Sharing newsletter is now available online at http://www.nationalshare.org/Jan-Feb_2010_with_cover.pdf. The topic is Meeting Milestones and we hope you enjoy it.
The editors are always looking for sumbissions to match a future topic. If you experience fits the topic, feel free to send in your piece.
The topic for the March/April 2010 issue is Recurrent Loss. If you have experienced recurrent pregnancy losses, we invite you to share your experiences with other readers. We are looking for stories of how you coped, any answerers you received, and how you eventually felt hopeful for the future. The submission deadline for this issue is February 1. Please send your submissions to Rose Carlson.
I recently put up a post at SSV's blog about the newsletter that comes out every two months.
I'm re-post it here, primarly for the submission opportunity. I know many of you write about the grief of your losses. Here is an outlet for submission that is SURE to get distributed to others who may share your experience.
Let me know if you do. I'll look for it in coming issues! - Cara
If you are a bereaved parent you may already be sent the Sharing newletter put out by the National Share office.If not, we will link to it here every two months for you to access. Each issue has a topic.
The January/February 2010 Sharing newsletter is now available online at http://www.nationalshare.org/Jan-Feb_2010_with_cover.pdf. The topic is Meeting Milestones and we hope you enjoy it.
The editors are always looking for sumbissions to match a future topic. If you experience fits the topic, feel free to send in your piece.
The topic for the March/April 2010 issue is Recurrent Loss. If you have experienced recurrent pregnancy losses, we invite you to share your experiences with other readers. We are looking for stories of how you coped, any answerers you received, and how you eventually felt hopeful for the future. The submission deadline for this issue is February 1. Please send your submissions to Rose Carlson.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
A Construction Plateau
The odd thing about a project is that when completed, you rarely remember how you 'lost steam' midway and it just sat there for a while.
I don't mind, really, we have all been so sick. But, still - it would be nice to get to my part of the transition! Ok, I'll enlist help picking paint colors (I always do), even so getting Bear in her new room will be so nice!
If you need the sorted tale that is: the beginning of the project, click here, if not - say some inspirational, under-the-breath, mutterings in Jer's general direction.
And, to show how much faith I have in all of you -- I'll start consulting my color guides.
Where we currently stand:
The smaller bathroom -- with a wall!
The same wall, from the other side: becoming Bear's closet.
Look, electrical and all!
A new door frame!
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