Welcome Mothers, Fathers, Grandmothers, Grandfathers, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Friends and anyone else who needs an ear...Please come with an open heart.

This is a place for anyone who has felt the loss of a child. Treat this as a communication haven regardless of how or when you felt your loss. My definition of loss: miscarriage at any stage, still birth regardless of week gestation, infant death at any month, and loss of a child even if your child was all grown up. For me they all hold the same root of devestation. None are more profound or more "easily" dealt with than another.

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Thursday, February 26, 2009

My Meltdown - Part 5 - "The Call"

In the climax of a movie, where the protaganist is teetering on the edge of decision, getting ready to act -and - in most flicks...succeed; faith filled spirits, uplifting with a sense of serene hope prevail. They tie up the ending in a happily ever after aura, or at least a happily as far as you can imagine once the credits roll.

In real life - the teeter totters much more often.

I arrived home, filled with the recent faith filled epiphany, ready to embrace my husband; to say those words. I love you for respecting me. Thank you for your constant love. Thank you.

And then, I heard the message. I had to play it back four times to be sure I heard it correctly.

"Hello. This is ____ from the hospital finally returning your call. I showed your proposal to my superiors and we have decided not to be part of this."

My emotions began to spin, re-drilling the recently unearthed soil and burying themselves, once again, in frustration and a lack of comprehension. But - no - I forced myself to hear the rest, certain words and phrases burning my ears with bitterness.

"We are under financial constraints. We have to be careful about taking on new monetary projects...."

WHAT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? AAAARRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!! Literally screaming out loud I tried to make sense of where the communication breakdown happened.

I asked for THREE things - NONE of which required the hospital to make a "financial committment"! NONE!

1. Include our brochure, contact information and conset to contact in the "Loss Packet" they ALREADY give to parents!

2. Send out a letter to past loss families making them aware that there now exists a support system in our town. (I wrote the letter and SSV offered to pay the postage!)

3. Instead of giving a cheap W.lm.rt memory box that someone threw a little stain on...give these families a HOMEMADE HARDWOOK PERSONALIZED MEMORY BOX** that had been DONATED (read: free to the hospital) by Share Southern Vermont.

Of course, I was professional and calm as I called back and left the general gist of this, admittedly, angry and sarcastic post on the head nurse's answering machine.

And, after a little time had gone by - I realized - this mission is not that dissimilar than that to write a book and help others. Both goals require dedication, passion, and the ability to weather these roadblocks while knowing that, in the end, we will succeed.

I don't know what our happily as far as you can imagine looks like, but I know its coming. How do I know? Minutes after reeling at this irksome pothole of a phone message, the phone rang again. It was a bereaved father, holding our pamphlet in his hand, calling to find out more about our meetings.

We WILL make a difference. We won't stop until we do! Thank you - a thousand times over - to all of YOU, in blogland, who believe in us so much that you have done what this local hospital seems unable to do. You have prayed, donated, made buntings, blankets, and - by far the most helpful thing - told me through comments and emails that you are with me on this!

Can't wait to share the Happily Ever After with you.

**Jer has finished the first batch of memory boxes! 20 of them - wow - check it out! (I WILL UPDATE WITH A PICTURE LATER TODAY) Now, the shop class at the local high school gets to take over...but pray that this batch takes us a very, very long way into the future!


Amy said...

Communication is key! Some just don't listen, all they hear is what you don't say!

I know it will be a happily ever after where the SSV is concerned!

Sending you much love and peace!

Kristin said...

Sometimes I think, no I know, people just don't listen. This will happen and you can do it my friend! (even if we have to beat it into the heads of the idiots in charge)

Dora said...

I've said it before, I'll say it again.

Yes. We. Can!

The idiots don't know who they're dealing with!

Barbara said...

Every ounce of me hopes that no one ever gets to use those memory boxes... but I know they will.

You have made a difference. You will continue to make a difference.

It will happen!

Love and strength to you.


Bluebird said...

I am so, so proud of you for stepping back and regrouping - and, ultimately, for your renewed resolve. The second phone call brought me to tears. What a wonderful gift for that father.

Martha@A Sense of Humor is Essential said...

This doesn't come as a suprise to me, somewhat anticlimatic. I think it is key to maintain contact with the LDR/social services staff so the caregivers on the front line will refer families to SSV.
Also, most phone books have community resource listings, maybe you could get listed in there.

Stacie said...

Sometimes, it is hard for me to believe people. What a stupid reason to give for not participating in a program that will be utterly free for them. My only suggestion is to continue to fight. You will do this!


Dalene said...

Wow, that is so frustrating. It sounds like you're made it so easy on the hospital to incorporate your materials. Don't give up--be persistent, yet professional.

AnotherDreamer said...

I can't believe that hospital... ungh.

But, it's good to see that you are making a difference. I'm glad that by reaching out you are making such a difference. I'm glad that the bereaved father was able to make contact. I'm sure it will mean so much to him.

Now, let's hope that hospital calls you back.

MrsSpock said...

I think that bereaved father calling was a sign to stay the course! Boo to the bureaucrat who would turn down such a proposal!

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Time Is Both My Best Ally and My Worst Enemy: My Meltdown 8 Years Later