Gratitude and New Digs

First and foremost - THANK YOU to all who commented on my last post. I know I emailed each of you - but a collective I love you all is more than warrented. I will share that day, for it is necessary - yet another part of my cathartic process, but not today.

Today - I want to share what came out of that dark day. The short- short - version...

My DH kicked me out the door with my laptop in hand - saying, "I hope this helps". (don't worry - backstory to follow in the other post)

I drove and drove - having no idea where I would end up. My criteria, well - as much as I could know within my uncontrollable hysteria - were: quiet, dark, and no-one knew me.

Ironically - I ended up in a place that met two out of the three points. However, seeing as it was in my childhood hometown - everyone knew me. But I just felt led there - unable to stop the car until it was in the parking lot and I was out the door.

"Oh, Hi Cara!" met me at the desk. "Hi" I said, hoping against hope my tear stains were minimal and my smile relatively convincing. "Um - I'm looking for a quiet place to ...uh ...work." I stammered. "Sure thing" the librarian said, just go on downstairs to the Community Room." And - as I was walking away she added, "We never care if people go down there - we just like to know."

A couple hours later and a huge emotional purge into my laptop complete- I raised my head. Even through my exhaustion the room came into view. I really saw the space for the first time. It looked nothing like it had when I was a child. The walls were muted, but there were enough windows to let in just enough light. There were drapes on those windows, a couch, and a couple of cozy chairs. A long meeting table, a small kitchen off the room and a clean bathroom just down the hall.

Well - you have probably guessed where this is heading. And - if you haven't, then THIS brief post at the Share Southern Vermont site should clear that up.

So - see what amazing things my Emma can do? She can even use her mother's deepest sadness and most painful moments to bring good things to light.

Thank you Emma for leading me to that place - for revealing exactly what I had been looking for, and not laughing too hard that it was right under my nose the whole time. I love you for being so present in my life, even when I can't see it. - Mommy