Welcome Mothers, Fathers, Grandmothers, Grandfathers, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Friends and anyone else who needs an ear...Please come with an open heart.

This is a place for anyone who has felt the loss of a child. Treat this as a communication haven regardless of how or when you felt your loss. My definition of loss: miscarriage at any stage, still birth regardless of week gestation, infant death at any month, and loss of a child even if your child was all grown up. For me they all hold the same root of devestation. None are more profound or more "easily" dealt with than another.

Please cry if you need to.
Please connect with others who are in your same space.
Please email me if you feel led to
Please comment so we know what you need
Please tell your story

Monday, February 9, 2009

Honest Scrap and Honest Facts

Thanks to CLC for tagging me with this award. I love nothing more than an overflow of honesty. Before I get there though - I have to address a question she brought up in her last post, titled - First or Second? This is a question we - those who have lost babies - tackle every day both in our hearts and in the waiting rooms of various offices, the checkout line at food stores, and in every other populated location where people make small talk.

This is the comment I left for CLC's post: "I do exactly what you did at the office and - no - we are NOT lying. Mostly, I smile and answer honesty for the first round of questioning. IF the person persists with more than three questions, I tell the full truth. I figure they deserve* it if they have pushed that far. I think I'll write a post about demonstrating my "typical conversation" - thanks for reminding me that we all do this. It does feel better, more right - over time. Just this week I said, "My middle child turned 6". My MIDDLE! Wow - what a concept."

(deserve - in a good, earned, they-can-probably-handle-it way ~ not in a flash-it-in-their-face-for-asking way)

And so - I offer my typical conversation, most recently occurring at an alarming rate at the fancy resturant I wait tables at.

Them: What do you do for a day job?

M: I write and I'm home with my kids. (see - they make it look like I opened the door - but really they did, the backdoor at any rate)

Them: Oh! How many kids do you have? (question #1)

ME: Three

Them: Wow! How old are they? (question #2)

Me: 4, 6, and 8

Them: Oh - you really ARE busy! (whew - a comment which I employ to give them an "out" from where this conversation is going - most don't take it)

ME: "Yes, but that's why I come here! I can be a grown-up for the evening."

Them: "What are their names?" (question #3)

ME: The Comedian, Bear, and Emma

(so here we have reached my three question limit. Any question they follow up with at this point is bound to lead us to the "full" truth - as I say - and, as the edges of photos are clearly visable each and every time I open my billfold, often the next query is...)

Them: Are those their pictures? (checkmate)

ME: Yes (opening the billfold all the way so they can oooh and awww at my beauties)

Them: (dropping the question of all questions) Where is your third?

And - well - you know how that conversation goes. Unfortunately - a nice, relaxing fine-dining Italian resturant with all-Frank-all-the-time playing in the background isn't exactly the right place to drop the, "she died" bomb. So, usually, this is where I make my evasive move and let the maternal guilt consume me as I say something like, "Oh - I must remind myself to put her photo back in here". I know - a copout of the grandest proportions - but who am I to ruin their dinner?

If, however, I find myself in those other places I mentioned at the beginning of this post: doctor's office, check out lines, dentist's, playgroup, pre-school pick-up, or even on line for the bathroom at the mall - you can hear me say, "Oh Emma Grace? She is our first born, born still, but forever a part of our family."

And - now for the Honest Scrap Award.

The rules:

A) Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.

B) Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with "Honest Scrap." Well, there's no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.

C) List at least 10 honest things about yourself and - I must add - I think my long lost twin IS CLC - for so many of her truths are mine as well.

10 honest things about me:
1) I am type A - yet anal organiztion escapes me.
2) I see so much of my younger self in Bear that it scares me.
3) Like CLC - I don't enjoy hinting. Say what you mean every time!
4) Unlike CLC - I was an early bloomer - well at least with the menstrual thing.
5) "I do not buy anything unless it's on sale" PERIOD!
6) I introduce my purchases with their pricetag. Ie: "Oh what a lovely coat Cara!" "Thanks! I got it at the Winter clearance at X store for $4.99!"
7) I am an only child who always swore I would have a HUGE family. I have three. I'm done.
8 ) My bucket list is getting longer and longer.
9) I can't imagine life with sons. Our life is all girl and I love it.
10) I am addicted to blogging. Probably not a shocking truth, but I just had to say it out loud.

Oh - the picking...(sigh) it brings me back to dodgeball day in high-school gym class. (lets not go there) How about...Kristin, Tarah, Martha, Barbara, Eskimo Kisses, Momofonefornow, and Mary? Wanna play?


Martha@A Sense of Humor is Essential said...

Your list made me laugh, thanks for the tag!
Re.#8, I can't imagine life without boys, so LOL. Wait until Bear and Comedian bring you home some boys...

Michelle said...

Love the list...3,8,10 sounds like me as well.

momofonefornow said...

Thanks for choosing me. Now...when will I get to it. Soon. I promise, soon!

Kristin said...

Mine is up...THANKS!

Lost Found Connections Abound! It Works - So Let's Use It!

Submit My News Click here to submit my news to the LFCA



Time Is Both My Best Ally and My Worst Enemy: My Meltdown 8 Years Later