Walk a mile in their shoes

It's hard to believe that Share Southern Vermont's 2nd Annual Walk for Hope and Remembrance is only two weeks away. As the date approaches I am struck by the surreal feeling of details mixed with memory. I wrote about this for the Spring 2010 publication of Exhale, and since writing those words memories have been flooding back.

With it, a longing so deep to be back in this world. I am firm believer that the body's muscle memory is wholisitic. Last year, I was limber, calm and flexible - from the cognitive realm to my lower back muscles. I was purging emotion and negative energy here. Lately, my body has been knotted up, head to toe - literally, and as each wave of discomfort hits or pain shoots I find myself wondering which sadness it was, cycling through again, unable to fine the way out.

I've been bottling, unintentionally of course, but holding emotion none-the-less. I can only imagine my inner workings are begging for me to fold back into a pattern of meditation, yoga, exercise, and blogging. For the latter is as much a form of of body wellness as any.

The image above is a partial of our walk t-shirt this year. By printing, we added the word fragile: so it reads: Every life, no matter how fragile or brief, forever changes the world. We are all fragile. We all need love and care from the inside out.

In this last year, I have met so many more families living through baby loss. They have shaped my life. Their angel babies have been the architects who mold, chip, and design my new realities. Today, I walk with Mark and Jill, proud parents of Emma and Chase born too soon in the the March of Dimes - March for Babies event.

The fact that my daughter's name is also somehow represented on this shirt is not lost on me. I picture the two girls, Chase in the middle, looking down on us as we walk.

We are so sad you're here ~ We are so glad you came

This has become the constant phrase of our group, putting so perfectly into words how we would regain our autonomy in a second if it meant we could have our babies back. But in leu of that, our bond, our unbreakable connection feeds us, soothes us, heals us.

I will begin posting more frequently again. I have to. You are part of that connection and without it I have been tangibly unfed, unsoothed, and my healing space has grown much smaller.

Here's to taking steps, to going back to go forward. Walk with us...