The Sprirt of Angels (UPDATE WITH ANOTHER PICTURE)

Welcome ILCW for October.




Another month is gone. Another 30 days have passed in our lives without our children who flew too soon. To them, it is effortless to exist in the ethers of our tangible lives, to appear in a red leaf, or a rainbow. For us, seeing them in the world is a journey of its own.


We hold tight to their belongings like a toddler with a non-swayable gift of object permanence: Pictures, locks of hair, stuffed bunnies bought early in the pregnancy, the first book on the bookshelf, the date circled in red on the calendar, the figurine sent by a loved one, the "anniversaries" of conception, death, and delivery, the memoralizing jewlery around our wrists and necks, and forever we hold the memories of our pregnancy, 6 weeks or 36, they will always be ours.


I have started a Angel Wall in my office. I want to see the faces, names, and /or due dates of all our angels. I want to be surrounded by their being as I sit and work everyday. I want to smile broadly oozing pride when a guest enters my home and inquires, "What is that on your wall?". I will answer, "Angels of all ages".


If you would like your angel on the wall please email me at carajer@tds.net. Include any or all of these: a picture of your baby, his or her name, and the date they flew.


I will treat them with respect. I will honor them and their parents as I look over each and every one before starting work. I shudder think how quickly the day will come when I will not be able to see even a slice of the light blue paint on my walls.


Here's to each and every one of you, your journey of grief and your sweet babies.





The print under our angels is my U.T.E.R.U.S purchase through Kate's Etsy shop. It is perfect! The shimmering light on the bridge represents all our chrildren.

A Common Soul,

Cara

UPDATE: OUR WALL AFTER JUST 2 DAYS. WE ARE GROWING - IN MEMORIES.

Candles Brightly Burning (Kids Mentioned)

What a week.

Monday I feld led to embrace and celebrate Emma regardles of the date on the calendar. Big.

Last night, the world came together to create a collective wave of light for all our little ones who flew too soon.

I hope this wave of light EDUCATED many in the world. Many who have not been touched by this kind of loss, but still harbor misconceptions about preganancy loss, stillbirth, and infant death. (Yes - I know the article is old - but our message isn't!)

Anyway - yesterday afternoon I sat down my little girls and we talked:

ME: Today is a special day.

Bear: Do we get a special treat?

ME: Um...no.

The Comedian: Is it a birthday? I like cake - but not the black cake, only the yellow cake. Yes, cake is good, but cake not good for you. Cake a special treat - we get a special treat?

(Ahhh- didn't I just answer that?)

ME: No, it isn't a birthday. It is more like a "Remembering Day".

Bear: But you ask me to remember things everyday: my lunch box, my sneaker shoes, my teacher's folder...(she could have listed forever)

ME (holding a candle - a visual referance is always good): Ladies, tonight at 7:00 all the moms and dads, grandparents, family and friends of babies who went to heaven are going to light a candle -to REMEMBER them.

Bear (really thinking now): Emma went to heaven.

ME: Yes

Bear: Lots of other babies went to heaven?

Me (sadly) - Yes

Bear: Babies in Poland?

(NOTE: She stays after school for a once a week library program where they study other countries. Yesterday was Poland.)

ME: Yes sweetie. Babies all over the world: Poland, Canada, China and here in our country.

Bear (in an accepting and all business voice) - "Oh" - and she walks off.

The Comedian: Where's the cake? (Yeah - I know she's a laugh riot)

I walk into the kitchen, start dinner, and ten minutes later - just when the other room is getting a little tooooo quiet, I hear "Mom - come see what I did". (Bear, of course)

It looked even more stunning after lighting them.

Here's to every one of you and your angels.