Welcome Mothers, Fathers, Grandmothers, Grandfathers, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Friends and anyone else who needs an ear...Please come with an open heart.

This is a place for anyone who has felt the loss of a child. Treat this as a communication haven regardless of how or when you felt your loss. My definition of loss: miscarriage at any stage, still birth regardless of week gestation, infant death at any month, and loss of a child even if your child was all grown up. For me they all hold the same root of devestation. None are more profound or more "easily" dealt with than another.

Please cry if you need to.
Please connect with others who are in your same space.
Please email me if you feel led to
Please comment so we know what you need
Please tell your story

Monday, November 9, 2009

A New Day...

I'm doing a little better today. The afore mentioned training has kicked in and I'm preparing a trip to see my friend. I'll be laden down with the package I'm so used to sending, minus all the share grief support materials, of course - she already has them.

Thanks to all of you for your kind words and prayers - for her - and for me.

What I'm wondering today is, if you are the support and it happens to you, what happens within you?

Does the congntitive process of what you should do to set the stage for healthy grieving automatically start up, like a remote starter on a car? Do you watch yourself walk through each step as though outside of your body?

Or, does the shock and subsequent shut down from the fact that it is now your reality trump what you've been taught, making you as ready for guidance and support as the person who had no idea it was possible to bury your child?

Ideas? Theories? Personal Experience? Hit me. I'm digging deep here, for never before have I needed to do this right so badly.


Anonymous said...

Cara, I'm going to email you because I have much to say. I can relate to so much of what you have written here...check your email!

Kristin said...

Honestly, it is for situations like this that we have the training. The autopilot is a wonderful thing to help you through the worst of it.

Brenna said...

No great advice here--grief is an untamed thing I seem to muddle through, badly at times and better at others--but I'm thinking about you Cara and wishing you well as you provide support and comfort to your friend.

k@lakly said...

I think no matter how prepared you are and no matter how much you know, when the bad shit happens to you, you are just as vulnerable and devestated,(as you deserve to be), as anyone else. The difference to her may be that as the days go on, she will be more familiar with the journey she is about to embark on. She will already have a walking buddy in you and she will already know that she truly is not alone on this path.

Please let her know she is in my thoughts.

Once A Mother said...

Unfortunately no amount of training can prepare you for this type of loss. We all can imagine how we would have thought we might have reacted to such a loss, and in hindsight I am sure realize that we reacted much differently. Sending prayers to you both.

Bluebird said...

Wonderful questions. I don't know, but my instinct is that (in your words) it would be as though walking outside your own body, andthe shock and shut down trump.

I have met one person in a similar situation who is a counselor/therapist. She readily admits to being a mess and not very good at taking the advice she doles out all day :) I think it's kind of like how a doctor who falls ill shouldn't treat himself. Or an attorney shouldn't try his own case. Sure, there's some element of auto piolt that hopefully helps. But it's also so very personal all of a sudden, and I don't think any training can prepare us for that.

Thinking of you both. ((Hugs))

MrsSpock said...

Having worn both a nurse hat and a social worker hat, I'll say that there is a certain professionalism that kicks in and lets you do your job- to a point. And the heart does not always do what the head tells it to..

prashant said...

I'm thinking about you Cara and wishing you well as you provide support and comfort to your friend.
Work from home India

Lisa DG said...

I would have to think that no amount of training can trump the personal anguish we face when it happens to you.

what a gift it will be for you to be there for her.

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