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Monday, September 7, 2009

The Day of Labor

September 7th.

Otherwise known to be called: the day before the day, the day when everything happened

Annually - the day I fall apart, the day the world becomes a movie theatre and everywhere I look images of my past appear, hospital scenes laced with self doubt lead to an affirming, silent climax play on a revolving screne.

It has taken nine years, but it seems the world has finally got it right. "Happy Labor Day" they will say as I drop a memory box off to a volunteer woodworker, visit a daycare where Comedian will go a couple hours a week during the gap when preschool ends and my job doesn't, and spend some special moments with my mother celebrating her birthday - belatedly.

I will smile in return. No more. For their words hit my heart, fit my memory with an accute precision they can never understand. Yes, I did labor on this day. My body riding wave after wave of contractions while my mind lived in a deluded science-fiction, hollywood ending type haze that if I endured enough pain for my allegedly 'expired' baby, she would emerge alive, a miracle capable of wiping those pitying looks off all their faces.

This has always been my labor day. It always will be.

The images have faded, a little. The movie, syndicated, so I only seem to see certain, select scenes.

For I must labor today.

I have been away for two days. My children need love and attention. My house needs the same, The errands must be run. The tomatoes must be canned. The press releases must be drafted, the events are only one and two months away respectively. New parent packets must be made for the meeting on Wednesday. Mothers are still laboring. Babies are still dying.

There is work to be done. laboring.

Perhaps I'll wear my pin today, my necklace too. Maybe they are meant to don my body two days a year.

Emma Grace entered this world, September 8th at 3:30 am. Her birthday - eternally. I knew, resisted, felt certain, doubted, was told, went delusional, then labored on September 7th.

Happy Labor Day to all...I'll never forget.


Hope's Mama said...

Remembering your Emma Grace with you, Cara.

ezra'smommy said...

Cara this post gave me chills. Remembering sweet Emma with you.

Dora said...

Thinking of you, hon.

Once A Mother said...

your sweet emma grace is in my heart as her birthday approaches. sending you hugs of support.

Sara said...

Thinking of you and Emma, Cara.

Another Dreamer said...

Cara, I am thinking about you and Emma Grace, and your whole family, today.

Many hugs your way, and even tears. Your post gave me chills as well.

The Blue Sparrow said...

I am and will be praying and sending good thoughts your way today. I am so sorry about your sweet Emma!

Eskimo_Kisses_4_U said...

Cara, Loving YOU as we remember your precious Emma Grace with you.

Michelle said...

Thinking of you and your BEAUTIFUL ANGEL!



Kristin said...

Oh hon...lots of {{{hugs}}} and thoughts of you and all three of your daughters.

Lavender Luz said...

Holding you and Emma in my heart, Cara.

JuliaS said...

Here with you Cara and holding you and your beautiful Emma Grace in my heart.

Delenn said...

Thinking of you and remembering your lost little girl. What a beautiful name and a beautiful post.

Tash said...

Remembering Emma Grace and thinking of her lovely mama and family. Love to you all.

AKD said...

Here from LFCA.

I just wanted to extend an ear and a hug on this important day. Emma Grace - what a beautiful name, and what a beautiful tribute.

Aunt Becky said...

Remembering sweet baby Emma Grace today and always.


Cassandra said...

Thinking of you and Emma.

Coffeegrl said...

Cara - Just wanted you to know that I'm holding you in my heart and thinking of you.

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