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This is a place for anyone who has felt the loss of a child. Treat this as a communication haven regardless of how or when you felt your loss. My definition of loss: miscarriage at any stage, still birth regardless of week gestation, infant death at any month, and loss of a child even if your child was all grown up. For me they all hold the same root of devestation. None are more profound or more "easily" dealt with than another.

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Thursday, March 19, 2009

Falling off the balance beam

I've never been coordinated. "Grace isn't your middle name" is a phrase I heard often growing up. It isn't.

There were the biggies: the knitting needle through my knee as I kneeled onto the pre-school rug for story time, how I bit nearly through my tongue after going out of control sledding a flying saucer and hitting a tree, and the friend who tried to "catch" me at the bottom of the slide but instead, punctured the tight skin under my right eye with her tooth.

And then, there were the everyday blunders: the time I tripped and fell, but intent on saving the ice cream my dad recently purchased for me - rippled my knee open, the day I dislocated my thumb playing - um..volleyball (don't ask me how), and the legendary bike crash of 1984!

Now a days, I fall off the balance beam less frequently - physically at least. The Comedian seems to have inherited that trait and I have to be on my toes to keep her from walking into walls, streets, and posts!

But I am by no means balanced. My grown up version of walking the tightrope are committments. Admittedly, they are mostly self-inflicted, but responsibilities I take quite seriously none-the-less. The reality of the situation is, (hold onto your hat for a cliche) - there just isn't enought time in the day. Sorry, but there isn't.

I like to think that I balance my external responsibilites fairly well with my homebased job of mother and wife. My family eats, my kids are clothed and bathed, and we enjoy our time together. But to do it well, to do it ALL well, just isn't possible.

And so - this is a long, Cara-like rambing way to say I'm Sorry.

I know I haven't been my typical comment-on-every-one-of-your-posts self, and I'm sorry. My current ballooning project - Share Southern Vermont's First Annual Memory Walk - is taking so much of my time. And, I'm loving every minute of it. The smile I wear as I walk into yet another business asking for sponsorship is one indicitive of the heart mission I am on, and - it must resonate with the askees - for no-one has turned me down yet.

And so I ask you to bear with me as I pull this event together. I'm here. Email me whenever you need to. I will catch up on your updates...just as soon as I climb back on that blasted narrow beam. I always sucked at Gymnastics - obviously.


Martha said...

My ability in gymnastics is questionable, my support for you and your family and SSV, unwavering regardless of your "commenting". ((Hugs))

Bluebird said...

Girl, you are absolutely doing what you need to do right now. You shouldn't even have the commenting (or lack thereof!) crossing your mind. You have a much bigger mission right now, and we are all cheering you on.

Kristin said...

I am continually amazed at all you manage to do. Good luck getting everything organized for the walk.

Brenna said...

Ditto Bluebird! Cheering you on from afar...

Michelle said...

No apology necessary. You have a lot on your plate and you are doing such great things I don't think anyone will mind.

Lea said...

Keep up the amazing work Cara... we are all so grateful for you.


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