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This is a place for anyone who has felt the loss of a child. Treat this as a communication haven regardless of how or when you felt your loss. My definition of loss: miscarriage at any stage, still birth regardless of week gestation, infant death at any month, and loss of a child even if your child was all grown up. For me they all hold the same root of devestation. None are more profound or more "easily" dealt with than another.

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Tuesday, March 10, 2009

A Quest...Achieved

I am a bumbling traveler. This – I have already well established. What is a lesser known and more embarrassing fact, although – no less valid, is that I am equally unable to plan a trip.

I tried. Really I did. I surfed multiple websites, looked at solo offers, combination offers and then – I admitted defeat. You see, I don’t like choices. My husband will confirm this. Consequently, picking paint colors, choosing tile, and – well – mostly any remodeling decision is very troubling for me. Luckily, we share a similar taste so he picks three possibilities and then presents them to me. Hence, I’m not overwhelmed and most of the time, my first choice was his as well.

I digress.

I gave up, closed the travllocity, orbitz, and whatever the other seven browser addresses were on my screen and sent out an SOS. I called my bestest friend from high school. Erika is a world traveler. Her parents own a travel agency. They planned our honeymoon – a totally awesome cruise to Bermuda! I called in a favor. Of course I shoomzed and loved on her in all the appropriate ways that a bestest friend should when calling in a mungo favor. And, of course – as always – she came through.

Brief exerpts from my schoomzing email:

Hey - I need to call in a best-friend favor (otherwise know as I don't have any idea what the heck I'm doing and you will) favor. I need to travel to Missouri in March for the National Share training. I have gone to the do-it-all-in-one place sites to make travel arrangements...but ICK...there are too many choices and it is sooooo > overwhelming. I managed to do this …. but of course I also managed to find the one place where I can't add a hotel and save bu-ku bucks.

I want:

* a mid morning flight out of Albany, NY on Thrusday, March 5th ultimately landing in St. Louis - Lambert airport. (1 stop is fine)

* a connected deal to a nice hotel** in St. Charles (the conference is at > the St. Charles Convention Center)

* I don't mind being a minor distance away from the center, but I'd like to be able to walk there in the morning.

* an afternoon flight on Sunday March 8th (the conference ends at noon on Sunday) getting me back into Albany by 7:30-8pm.

Is this doable or am I such a travelling virgin that I have my head in the clouds?

** - by "nice hotel" I mean somthing with more than two levels and has an indoor pool/whirlpool. Hey - a girl needs her comforts, right?

Ha! This is funny even to me as I re-read my request! However, I must give props where they are due…for my sweetest friend ever planned the perfect trip!!! Every trip however has blips and posts to come will expane - but this post will focus on the last **.

Serves me right for being selfish – really. I mean, a trip about grieving my angel baby and learning more how to support others as they grieve theirs shouldn’t really be contingent on lounging in 105 degree hot, bubbling water – with the jets directly on my lower back as I float without a care in the world…
*(sorry – I got a little lost there for a minute)

However, it seemed less selfish after the first day of crying so hard that I was sure my skin had expanded about a ¼ inch to the naked eye!

Suit – check. Towel – check. Room Key-Card – check. (And oh boy do I wish I had a picture of this for you, but alas – my there-will-be-no-hot-tub-in-your-future…ALL WEEKEND grief prevented me from the foresight to get my camera)


With a ½ inch cheap plywood as the temporary cover, no-less. *Sigh* - No…BIG *SIGH*

And so,I'm ashamed to admit I whined – just a little, but I did – to the other participants. And, miracle of miracles – one of them who was staying at the fancy, shamancy, connected-to-the conference-center hotel was more than happy to let me use their facilities.

GOD BLESS THIS SWEET AND WONDERFUL LADY. (of course she was from New Hampshire- my sister state!)

An already long story short – I tried once, too late. I tried twice – tweens had taken over the pool area. And then, thrice – sweet victory at 1pm on Sunday afternoon.

The conference was over. I was mentally free to just – be. Yes there were a few teens returned for a repeat performance, but they were in the far side of the pool and – I – alone in the hot tub. I can tune them out. They were almost sweet background noise.

I lowered myself into the all-encompassing relaxation water.

The background noise began to fade away. A sweet whoosh - whoosh as the jets sent waves of water bubbling against the tile edge was taking over my senses. And that’s when I heard it.

“Emma. Emma, over here. Watch this! I can do a handstand without holding my nose!”

I was out of tears. All I could do was smile in the knowledege that this was the time I was meant to be in the hot tub.

Of Course it was ...of course.


Bluebird said...

Oh my! You know, that seems like almost an *appropriate* ending to your story - but I still cringed when I read it! Can't wait to hear more about your trip; glad you're home safe and sound!

Amy said...

I admit it, I cried at the end of your story! Yes, that is the time you were supposed to be there! Tugging at my heart strings you write so beautifully!

Glad you got to relax and glad you are home safe!

Big hugs, Amy

Kristin said...

What a beautiful ending.

Martha said...

Lovely, Cara.

Brenna said...

Oh, what a post! And what a universe we live in. I'm so glad you finally got your well-earned soak, accompanied as it may have been by the unexpected.

Michelle said...

That is such a beautiful ending. hank you Cara for sharing it!

Dalene said...

Wow, what a cool story.

Lani said...

ah hot tub, what can't you do?
love you cara

Another Dreamer said...

Oh, big hugs. I know I'm late in saying it, but big hugs.

Sometimes things just meet up like that don't they? Amazing. What an ending.

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