FACT TWO: I don't wear much jewlery. I don't have pierced ears. I don't stop and look at the ring / necklace booths at craft fairs. They just don't call to me.
I wear my engagement ring and wedding ring.
And so, a few years ago, when my deepest desire became to own a mother's ring it was no wonder my husband raised his eyebrows and asked, "Really? You mean, to wear it, all the time?"
Yes. A visual and tangential representation of my three children, touching me, at all times. That is what I wanted for my birthday, then for Christmas, then - finally - on Mother's day it arrived. A simple yellow gold band with a symmetrical hearts housing three stones, Emma's in the middle, loved on either side by here sister's purple and red hues.
I put it on immediately. I rarely take it off. (I am having great difficult photographing it...but look closely in the pic later and you can see it)
"Just come Cara, you don't even have to look at the jewlery if you don't want to. Just come and sit and have a glass of wine and enjoy our company" my neighbor said, talking me into going to her jewlery party a few weeks ago. Lowering her voice she finished, "It kinda sounds like you need it".
I did. And I did glance at the sterling silver bobbles. Not surprisingly, nothing called to me. But, to be polite I turned the pages of the catalog as I sipped the afore mentioned wine.
And then I saw it. And it did call to me. The back says, "Watch Over Me". So I ordered it. For me. For Emma. For us.An angel pin that called her name. Another visual and tangential reminder of her I can wear close to my heart. "I'll wear it on her birthday" I said to my husband, thinking I had to justify the purchase, "And, any other day when I feel myself slipping."
An email popped up from one of my favorite people. She was the first follower on the Share Southern Vermont site and a founding force from across the country as we began the group.
I read, "The video is beautiful and so are you. Emma has inspired me to do something for her Mommy and it's on its way to you. Blessings always for all the grieving parents and our babies."
It arrived last week. With a note.
"Dear Cara - I hope you enjoy this mother's necklace made for you. I truly was inspired by Emma to create a crystal mecklace with the birthstone colors of your three girls. - Love, Martha"
Wow. This is amazing. This is astounding. This is overwhelming. Thank you Martha. You are a dear friend.
Give freely and you recieve with gratitude.
Now I know what this really means.
And, ironically, the girl who "doesn't wear jewlery" now owns a ring, a pin, and a necklace - all in memory of Emma Grace, all to keep the inspiration flowing as we reach out and support other families living the hell of babyloss.