Welcome Mothers, Fathers, Grandmothers, Grandfathers, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Friends and anyone else who needs an ear...Please come with an open heart.

This is a place for anyone who has felt the loss of a child. Treat this as a communication haven regardless of how or when you felt your loss. My definition of loss: miscarriage at any stage, still birth regardless of week gestation, infant death at any month, and loss of a child even if your child was all grown up. For me they all hold the same root of devestation. None are more profound or more "easily" dealt with than another.

Please cry if you need to.
Please connect with others who are in your same space.
Please email me if you feel led to
Please comment so we know what you need
Please tell your story

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Coming Full Circle

I FINALLY heard from the hospital (backstory here)- , and only because I called back every two weeks for the last six. They, are "not going to accept services at this time". I have left a message for the Childbirth Nurse Supervisor, as I am unclear which services they are saying "no" to. I mean, the proposal was extensive.

Are they saying no to:

  • Handmade Memory boxes created by a bereaved father with donated materials ?

  • A local Share support-group to aide recently grieving parents?
  • If the parents ask, a dedicated worker ready to drive to the hospital at any time of day or night to sit with them and their angel?
  • Someone with a history of grant writing who has already done legwork to see what is available?

  • A local professional photographer I found who is looking forward to volunteering for Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep and serving our community in their time of need?

  • A minimal start-up fee to bring crucial information and respect to newly bereaved parents in the form of pamphlets, staff training, and monthly newsletters.

I guess they are saying "no" to investing any funds to make this happen. I'm not sure I will get a specific answer from them, and to be honest I'm not angry or surprised for that matter. What I am is sad. I'm sad that WE continue to have to fight for our cause.

To fight for recognition that we had a child, even if they aren't in our arms as we leave the hospital.

To cry out for services, even in the first few days after our loss.

To acknowledge that we need the doctors and nurses to respect us with choices and appropriate "loss bags" filled with current resources for reading and viewing.

I have always believed that one person CAN make a difference when a message has been written on their heart. In the wake of this recent election, I KNOW it is true! I recently wrote in an email, "I'm always up for digging in and doing some hard work - but not when the wheel is already there!" That was about thirty minutes ago. Who knew my words would hold such meaning so soon.

Apparently there is some hard work to be done here. The wheel has yet to reach my small southern Vermont landscape. Truly, I understand that I cannot attack each and every goal from the proposal at once. I would find myself in a physical state of nuclear meltdown and I don't even want to think what my family might find on the dinner table!

So, for all of you, here is my intention:

-To attack one important step at a time. To give each focus my all with gentle prodding, kind words and an inspirational outcome.

Ok - I guess I already broke my rule cause here's two things- but hey - I am a classic overachiever!

1. J. will be working in his shop tonight to construct a prototype of the Memory Box. We want to make a couple changes, for example, instead of the tile inlay we would like to have a removable piece of glass so the parents could insert their child's photo, footprint, lock of hair, or just name and date. He may also make it more rectangular so folded letters could fit easily.

With this visual aide, I will be able to appraoch local businesses and box stores with our mission, asking for donation of wood, hardware and tile inlets.

2. Very soon (as soon as I figure it out that is) you will see a donation button on my sidebar. I struggle with asking others to donate their hard-earned money. But, it appears that I have no choice but to tackle this here, within the world of those who know the pain and understand the loss. My first goal is:

To raise enough money to begin a Share Southern Vermont Group

The Goal is $450. It includes:

  • The Share start-up fee for a small hospital

  • Tuition for one person to attend the annual training conference in Missouri

The benefits?

  • Support and Counsel of the National Share Office

  • Monthly Off Site Support Groups for Bereaved Families

  • On Call Service for Emotional Support
  • Continual Maintenance and Updating of Loss Packet Contents

  • 20 % Discount on Materials Purchased from the Share Bereavement Resource Catalog

  • Five Copies of the Bi-Monthly Parent’s Newsletter, Sharing

  • National Listing of Perinatal Loss Support Groups and Resources

  • Self-Explored Support Resources (like the Websites and Reading Lists Provided)

  • Motivates the Patient to Take Control of his or her Grief Journey.

  • Promotes Mental Health into a Second or Third Pregnancy.
  • Community Awareness and Education of our Mission through High School Woodworking and Technical Centers as they Make the Memory Boxes

  • Educational and Counseling Support for Staff
  • Provides Much Needed Compassionate Service Through Community Outreach and Resources

Thank you for reading through this post: braving the frustration, the slightly bitter tone, and the sadness. Thank you for also sharing my hope that this CAN be done. This WILL be done!

If you feel led to pray for me, please do.

If you feel led to donate: THANK YOU!

In love, grief and hope,



Dora said...

You may not be angry, but I am!! What idiots!! You're handing this to them gift wrapped on a silver platter and they say no?!?!

What heartless jerks!

Martha said...

Oh, Cara, that is just such a shame. Hmm, I hope the nurses will provide the pamphlet to grieving families when you do start your Share chapter.
I will donate $20, please email me your address and I will send you a check. Thanks and I will help you anyway I can. Please also send out info flyers to the local home care and hospices. Are you planning on working on any grants? Take care, ((Hugs))

Kristin said...

Oh Cara...I'm working on something that may help. Will let you know more if and when I can.

Cara said...

Dora - I love your anger. Thanks. I'll live vicariously through it.

Martha- I sent you an email. You are the best!


Kristin - Wow! Holy Cryptic Batman!

It's official: Between Dora's brain/body issue and Kristin's secret project I will not sleep for days!

Michelle said...

Wow! I do not understand why they would say no? Doesn't the hospital want to help people? It just does not make sense. I am glad you are sticking with it and I will pray and do whatever else I can for you.

MrsSpock said...

I do not comprehend why they would not be jumping at the chance to have something like this is place.

Could you contact the hospital social worker and chaplain so they know to send people your way? Contact bereavement support groups, employee assistance programs etc to get the word out?

We are cash-poor right now until I can find work, but if you wanted to set up an auction of some kind on Ebay like UTERUS does, I will gladly donate.

Cara said...

Thank again everyone for all your suggestions. I have another "to-do" list ready, spawned be sheer determination.

And - did you see the ticker I managed to create? I have to say, I am getting better at navigating this bloggy world!!!

I'll update with good news ASAP!

Chelley said...

I cannot understand these people! I am from a small country town and they are the SAME here.....

let me know how I can help...

I know of a few ways to set up a donate button on the blog

k@lakly said...

Have yoy looked into grants or non profit help? There may be soemthing out there for this...or some generous benefactor looking for the right place to give.

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Time Is Both My Best Ally and My Worst Enemy: My Meltdown 8 Years Later