Welcome Mothers, Fathers, Grandmothers, Grandfathers, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Friends and anyone else who needs an ear...Please come with an open heart.

This is a place for anyone who has felt the loss of a child. Treat this as a communication haven regardless of how or when you felt your loss. My definition of loss: miscarriage at any stage, still birth regardless of week gestation, infant death at any month, and loss of a child even if your child was all grown up. For me they all hold the same root of devestation. None are more profound or more "easily" dealt with than another.

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Please tell your story

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

What's In A Number?

Eight was the number for me. Eight years into grieving - Emma's eighth birthday on September 8th or 2008, no less.

Something about that infinity shaped digit put a fire under me to act - and now big things are happening.

Share Southern Vermont is real - with offical paperwork- So much so, that I have an invoice to pay for start up fees! I've never been so excited about a bill in my life. It affirms our group!

-The bank account is up and running.

-The article I wrote is coming out in the local papers today, along with a photo of the memory box.
-And, my interview for the newspaper with a larger readership is slated for Thursday.

With this evolution of our idea happening so quickly, I paused to ask myself... Cara, what made Emma's 8th birthday such a turning point? Why did this year speak to you, when others haven't?

Certainly, I don't have answers. I wish I did. I wish I could send each of you grieving and broken mothers a letter on fancy letterhead in cheerful writing that said, "I know this sucks. I know your insides are broken and eating you up with an overwhelming sadness - but 8 years is the mark. Make it there and your smile will turn upside down."

I can't. In fact, my upside down smile isn't really up - it's more angled. Most of the time lately, I host a smirk. It's not snarky, as Nancy would say. But, aware. Aware of the work that Emma is doing. Alert to her presence here, in this house and within me.

I hoarded her for all these years, afraid that if I disengaged for too long or shared her with others, my daughter would somehow become -less mine. My experience, would somehow - become diminished.

I allowed my emotions to mislead me. And somewhere, on that road to eight, the world finally appeared, opened before me saying, "Welcome, to you and Emma. You can keep her with you as you walk forward. You can share her with others as you trudge on in this life. She will never die as you are alive and doing work in her memory."

I am enternally grateful to those who make this possible. Thank you for allowing Emma to work here, to touch lives. I know this will not always be my exlusive mission in life. But for this year, her year - Sept 08-09 - I am devoted to creating opportunities where there were none.

My darling girl - I love you with all my heart. Thank you for speaking so loudly, that even I - couldn't miss it.


CLC said...

That's great news. Congratulations for getting it off the ground. Emma would be so proud.

Kristin said...

Great news about SHARE. This is a beautiful post. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Amy said...

CONGRATULATIONS! I am so happy that it's up and running!

Thank you so much for sharing Emma with all of us! Thank you for letting Emma share her spirit with all of us!

Big hugs, Amy

c. said...

It's been a long, hard road, Cara. Wishing you all the best with Share. You've really done good. XO.

Dora said...

Awesome post!

You know, I went back into your archives to refresh my memory. I was right. Your tone changed drastically once you passed that milestone. 8 is your number. You are creating an incredible, living tribute to Emma. You ROCK!

Barbara said...

It's been a real privilege, meeting you and Emma and your lovely family through your blogs.

Thank you Cara.


Michelle said...

I am so happy and excited about SHARE! It's so wonderful all that you are doing and I thank you for all the people that you do and will help!

Martha said...

Your daughter, Emma has inspired me and a small part of her, you, her father and sisters will always be with me.
I am very proud, (Big Sis proud ;o)
and anticipate wonderful things from the articles.
8 and 9 are considered sacred numbers, remember our beloved Dr.Jung?

Hope's Mama said...

good on you cara! i have been thinking about the number 8 for you, and for me also. i was due in the 8th month of this year, and even thought i may have the baby on 08/08. instead she died on the 18th. turns out 8 was not so lucky for me.

Cara said...

Thank you all you gorgeous ladies! I just gave my frizzy winter hair a hot oil V05 treatment and picked my interview outfit.

Your support means everything, and now - thanks to Martha I have even MORE research to do, on my sacred number 8.

Dora - I just love you girl.

Dora said...

Love you, too, Cara.

Ummm, links to the articles please!

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