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Thursday, September 11, 2008

My Card Of The Day (kids mentioned)

The card I picked today reads..."Nothing is more important than that I feel good". Well - hmmm...I don't exactly know how to meditate on that one. Yes - I agree, I would like to feel good (like I did on Monday at 2:30 pm post massage, facial, yoga, reiki, long talk with a good friend, and after my effortless rest in the hot tub...yeah that kind of good) EVERYDAY, but it just isn't realistic, or is it? Am I missing some cosmic connection that would allow bliss to tail me every second of every day, um - and night by the way (if that connection is listening) because I would REALLY LIKE TO SLEEP AGAIN, sometime soon please!

But ok, really I'm fine. My lower back is screaming, but no matter. My fingers work and my heart is settled in this post Emma's birthday period. (ok - settling if I'm being honest) and so I'm fine. Honesty, interesting that word found its way into this post becuase that is my main intention on this blog, honesty, with myself and with you, the readers I am blessed to have choosing to follow my journey. Admittedly, I do enjoy the full body feeling writing airy, heavenly, Emma and I connected forever kind of posts. It feeds my ever winding road of healing. But Emma, my sweet girl, as alive as she is for me, is not here. Bear and The Comedian are here and although one (without question) requires more attention from me than the other (who also - without question) gets the short end of the attention stick more often than not - they are my everything. And so, for the duration of this post I will intentially turn the table in the 'attention' game.

BEAR (5 1/2) - I delight in advocating for her as she navigates this new world they call Kin-der-gar-ten. For every once of energy, time, cuddles, and yes - discipline I put into her I know they will not only serve her in her life, but come back at me times ten. (how that for brief?)

THE COMEDIAN (3 1/2)- It is probably obvious the role she plays in our lives (I did pick her "screen name" for a good reason!) She! She is pure comedy. She is so unintetionaly hillarious that it makes everything she does, somehow even funnier. Someone once said to me, "Wow! All you have to do is look at her, and you laugh". Its true - although it doesn't exactly sound great when I write it that way. Anyway, I think of her as the next Ellen, able to shift a facial expression and get a laugh (and here is the important part) - FROM ANYBODY! My Comedian brings joy to the world - joy through laughter. She creates those "truly you had to be there moments" because if you weren't, any measure of re-telling can never re-create the real thing. In fact, I am sorely tempted to try out my theory and share an event from the dinner table last week, but I know better. Words don't do this child's natural talent justice. The picture I had posted for a few days on my Sunday, Sept. 7th post however, clearly showed her innate ability to take any situation and find the humor. ( we were posing behind her sister's headstone after all)

Thank you God for sending me this girl. Thank you for infusing constant humor into our lives, because we need it. I need it. I could so easily drown in Emma's love and Bear's needs and never find my way back to the lighter side of life. I could exist through my to-do lists and my "next steps" without pause, but at least once a day, my youngest, my last little girl, challenges me to see the world through her flexible eyes. To look at what is right in front of me and soak it all in. To NEVER take one little thing for granted.

So how can feel bad? I can't, I guess. "Nothing is more important than that I feel good" says my all knowing card of the day. Silly me for needing a card. I have The Comedian and she shows me this everyday.

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