Welcome Mothers, Fathers, Grandmothers, Grandfathers, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Friends and anyone else who needs an ear...Please come with an open heart.

This is a place for anyone who has felt the loss of a child. Treat this as a communication haven regardless of how or when you felt your loss. My definition of loss: miscarriage at any stage, still birth regardless of week gestation, infant death at any month, and loss of a child even if your child was all grown up. For me they all hold the same root of devestation. None are more profound or more "easily" dealt with than another.

Please cry if you need to.
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Please tell your story

Wednesday, September 24, 2008


Have you ever turned down a road instinctively, your mind barely processing the angle of the steering wheel, as you have taken this route hundreds of times before...only to find you are snapped to attention by the many staggered diamond shaped orange signs presented through your window? DETOUR they say, TAKE ANOTHER ROUTE or EXPECT DELAYS.

YOU are sure this is the way you need to be going. It will be the BEST and QUICKEST route to your destination and so, your immediate reaction to the orange roadblocks is irratation...disgust...and a quick consideration that maybe you can find a way to beat the odds and pass through where others can't. But, after a moment you realize, you will not be passing through on your intended route and you turn the vehicle, now in the opposite direction, giving in to the detour and accepting that you will be ten minutes late for the meeting.

As I approached the platform that would take me accross my bridge (click here for the backstory) those signs lept out...DETOUR...TAKE ALTERNATE ROUTE...DEFINATELY EXPECT DELAYS...

This a very dramatic way of saying, No...the meeting didn't happen yesterday and it's not happening today or tommorrow..."maybe Saturday" is the best I could get from the sweet toned nurse on the other end of the line. "Lisa is really sick" she reported, then rushed on so I would know she took my message from the prior day seriously, "but...I did call her at home and let her know you called. Her next scheduled day is Saturday." I hope my voice didn't convey my obvious dismay at not being able to come until ...SATURDAY (OMG - when did I mentally convert to WANTING so badly to go back to that childbirth center?) as I said, "No problem. I will call Saturday morning and if Lisa is availiable I will drive over."

I have learned so many valuable life lessons over my eight years of forced grieving. One of the most powerful is how to accept unexpected outcomes (and detour signs) in my path. I thought I had really internalized this, but here as my biggest bridge yet looms ahead of me, still under construction, men "working" but NOT as they stand around smoking their cigarettes and nodding importantly at the site where they are supposed to be adding supporting structures and thinking..."well today is mostly gone. What do you say we come back and try to make some progress tomorrow?" - as this bridge remains unsafe for the passing, I wait.

Waiting isn't something I have ever been good at. Actually it made me very nervous, allowing all manners of opportunity to "think" about the pieces of the journey that are most difficult for me. But in the last year (as I learn to quiet my body and mind through meditation and actively working to live in the moment) I have begun to accept these roadblocks as opportunities for learning, a teachable moment - if you will - just for me.

I don' t what lesson will present itself between now and Saturday...but its coming. When I, the good student, completes my course I will publish the report just for you! Thanks for coming along for the ride, and do me a favor if you will...PLEASE send a "Get Something Done" glance to the men working on my bridge if you happen past!


Ginny said...

Visiting from ICLW, take care.

tripmom827 said...

Thanks for the visit to my blog. I love your writing style. You are going to write an outstanding book. I hope i get to buy from a Borders and read it someday!


Mrs Woggie said...

Thank you for visiting me so many times this week, your words have touched me deeply and helped me to get through some of the dark days.

I hope that you can start crossing your bridge on Saturday. I'll be back to check :D

Kristin said...

I hope you are able to start crossing your bridge soon.


theworms said...

Thanks for your comment, it was great and I'm glad I'm not the only one that gets the crazy come right now parent demands.

Will be back to check on you and your bridge. Take care.

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