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This is a place for anyone who has felt the loss of a child. Treat this as a communication haven regardless of how or when you felt your loss. My definition of loss: miscarriage at any stage, still birth regardless of week gestation, infant death at any month, and loss of a child even if your child was all grown up. For me they all hold the same root of devestation. None are more profound or more "easily" dealt with than another.

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Friday, May 22, 2009

It's Official

I had heard rumor that my OBGYN was closing his doors and moving on to the next phase of his life. Today I received a letter confirming it.

In that letter was this sentence,

"I am grateful for the many years that I have had the privilege to work with you all through pregnancies, childbirth, disease, health and will miss you greatly."

I see the invisible hole where lies a missing word, for although he wasn't my delivering doctor for Emma's pregnancy I know he has lived loss with countless women in the community.

I don't begrudge, truly - I don't, for I recognize that coersing that word into the sentence would have been a two part challenge:

First, choosing the word would be a daunting task. Which synonym best fits: childloss, infant death, miscarriage, or just plain - loss?

Then, placing it. Does it go between 'pregnancies' and 'childbirth' or fit less like a broken puzzle piece between 'childbirth' and 'disease'? Perhaps its optimal location on the end, without a forced bookend to contain its meaning.

Just me. What's your take??


Michelle said...

I think definitely it would have been awkward at best. Also, probably did not want to bring up your loss, maybe feeling it might bring up something you did did not want to bring up at this time.

Cara said...

Yes - I get that and, to be clear, I don't think he SHOULD have put it in. I'm just saying that because I am where I am in my process I see those invisible gaps.

I'm weird like that - :;

k@lakly said...

I am guessing that is a part of his job that he will not miss. At all.
Sometimes that which goes unspoken is that which speaks the loudest.

Kristin said...

Nah, you aren't weird. I see that gap too. If it were mentioned, I would put it between pregnancy and childbirth. On a side note, I actually got a sympathy card from my OB's office after we lost of little girl (it was a very early loss).

Martha said...

This is a toughie, Cara. I agree with you completely.

I swear the word verification is haunted on your blog, today we have

prief and the "p" looks like a backward "g" like in "grief".

CLC said...

I don't know where it would have fit. I see those holes too. I Am guessing he wanted the letter to have an upbeat tone about it, therefore there's no place for loss.

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