Fundamentally - it makes sense.
If you expect nothing from your job and do it for the love of the mission, every penny of your salary is like a bonus.
If you expect nothing from your children, every tiny thing they accomplish feels like a huge achievement.
If you expect nothing from your spouse, every kind gesture you receive lifts you up.
Realistically - it's a fallacy.
Existing without expectation, I mean truly living without even an out-of-focus image in your head of what you might like to happen, is not the way most of us experience life. If it were, none of us would have ever felt, the blissful ignorace of pregnancy = forty weeks= healthy screaming baby = up all night feedings = a happily ever after.
Conversely, we would also have escaped the resounding crash that landed the world upside down at our feet, crushing our hearts into bite sized pieces and leaving us there to pick them up.
Ah - expectation: too much of it can de-rail you; too little, and motivation can pass you by.
The trick is to find just the right balance of intrisic desire with acceptance of 'what is' and 'will be'. And, it has been my experience that when you find said balance it often happens that the result blows your 'would-be-expectation' out of the perverbial water.
This was my experience with the memory walk.
My (let’s loosely call them) expectations for this event were:
- for a just a few more people than our members and their families to come
- to cover our costs, but not focus on fundraising
- to raise awareness
- to educate the community
- to allow a safe space for inspiration and emotion
- to affirm parents with empty arms
- and to make it through singing without crying
The bigger-than-I-ever-imagined-it-to-be reality of the day still brings me to tears.
- We had 84 people there. Eighty Four for a first event!
- We covered our costs and raised an additional $866.00 – damn.
- I am already receiving emails from people who want to donate their services, or heard about the event ‘afterwards’ and want to be involved in the future.
- Parents who are 15, 20, 30, and 40 years out from their loss responded that ‘they finally feel like that baby’s mother, father, grandparent..etc.’
A series of perfect moments to be sure.
Thank you Emma Grace for making this all possible. For teaching your earthly mother that there is more to tragedy than pain and sorrow. That beauty comes from emotional growth.
I’m dancing sweet girl – just for you.